On Bribery and Being Brave: Navigating the Waters of Parenthood
Photo Credit: @GarySChapman
Unfortunately, there’s no manual for motherhood. Being a parent often feels like an expedition through the treacherous waters of emotional and moral decision-making. The tides pull us between the shores of urging our children to brave the waves and sheltering them in the gentle ebb of understanding and patience. This constant tug and pull comes to life during our family’s weekly swim lessons.
My five-year-old son, Luca, views the prospect of swimming lessons as an impending storm. Each week, as the day looms nearer, his anxieties bubble to the surface. Asking me on Saturday, then Sunday, and again on Monday, “Do I have to swim today?” Those big brown eyes, a novel I could re-read again and again.
Wanting reassurance that he can run carefree through his day without concern for the chilly waters and invisible monsters lurking beneath the surface. I get it. His fear was once my own. There are moments where the bathroom door becomes his shield, locking himself away on swim day. His fear is palpable, echoing in every outburst that slips through the cracks of his self-imposed isolation. A small voice escapes, “I’m scared Mommy, I don’t want to go.”
The real complexity lies not in his fears but in the dichotomy of my response. I am suspended between the desire to protect him from distress and the instinct to push him through, to let him emerge joyous on the other side, as he does every so often post-lesson. I see glimpses in the triumphant pump of his fist, the unbridled joy in his dance, akin to a jubilant baby goat, remind me of the value of perseverance.
For us, it’s not about birthing the next aquatic Olympian but rather a slow and steady sowing of the seeds of courage, perseverance, and joy. I want my children to experience both setbacks and triumphs, for isn't that the essence of life?
But in the waves of their youthful anxieties, I find myself questioning: how deep should I allow them to dive into their fears before extending a lifeline?
A pivotal moment came recently, as I knelt before Luca, offering not only comforting words but a subtle bribe. A deal to trade bravery for a special treat, to navigate through his fears with a promised reward in sight. The moral quandary of such an approach isn't lost on me. Yet, these choices we make, sometimes imperfect, are the essence of parenting, making the journey both humbling and enriching.
The dilemmas we face as parents are endless. The struggles of my children evoke piercing questions and self-doubt. Gone are the days of searching for baby-soothing techniques. Instead, we stay up late at night to contemplate the best ways to nurture their growth while keeping their spirits intact.
Through it all, we make decisions enveloped in hope. Always guided by a love that runs deeper than any ocean. Perhaps it's not about reaching the shore, but understanding the rhythm of the tides.
