Making a new place feel like home

Like many people, I’m not naturally good at change. I work really hard to make wherever I’m living feel like home: cozy blankets & mugs of tea, framed photos on the walls, or a garden out back. I am just fine staying in on Friday night. No need to rock the boat, no need to go anywhere.

But that’s only half of me. There’s another side. I love doing hard things, I love going on adventures big and small and I love creating a life full of meaning and memories. I get anxiety when I have to venture out of the cozy sanctuary that I’ve created. I get nervous to figure out a train schedule, or arrive on time to the airport, or hail an Uber. Heck, even changing up my grocery store from one Kroger to the other Kroger across town gives me anxiety. I am such a creature of habit, and I don’t always like that about myself.

I was anxious about coming to South Dakota and having to entertain kiddos by myself while my husband worked that I started to sound super negative. After a massive road-trip to get here that Daniel pretty much planned by himself, I said while we’re unpacking, “Why’d you pick this place? Couldn’t you have picked someplace more picturesque?” I knew I shouldn’t have said that. Insert foot into mouth.

So let me share what I’ve learned from uplifting my cozy life and starting off on another adventure in a new place:

Go for a run. Or a bike ride. // Some mode of transportation that’s slower than a car. Reason: you will get to know the lay of the land better and see things or stop places you wouldn’t have by car. You may see a place to get groceries, or a cute boutique for clothing, or a nice park to stroll through later. You’ll feel like you know the place quicker when you walk, run, or bike around instead of drive.

Put on your friendliest smile & start conversations. // Gasp! If my mom reads this she won’t believe it, and I’ll never admit it to her, but she was right. It’s especially true when I have the boys in tow. I’ve been given the insider scoop on what train car to sit on for a train ride, what time you actually need to show up to get kayak rentals, and even which museums aren’t worth the money/time. When I put on a smile, I am surprised by the results. 

Do what you love and what you’re comfortable with first. // You’ll feel comfortable right away because you’re doing something you know but just in a different place. Example for us: it’s 90 degrees here for like one week in SD and we’re here for it. So we found a splash pad for the kids. We could do a splash pad anywhere, but to maintain normalcy and to cool off we found one and it was in the center of the city. Gave us a good idea of the main streets, we found an ice cream shop as well, and learned a local hangout. And best part, I felt like I could tackle more of the city the next day, because I did something I was comfortable with first.

Do your research //  Pop the cork on that wine and hit play on your favorite Spotify mix. Sit down and google up a storm before relocating. Google is probably my best friend. My husband laughs at my search topics, but it works. Plan out using Google Maps too and look up times and schedule in your activities on a calendar.  

Write a list of what you can’t live without. // Crossfit? Coffee? Community? Cats? Croissants? Crustaceans? I think of what I can’t live without in order to make sure I can find it there before I even go. It makes me feel more comfortable. Moving and adjusting is hard enough. Use your thing, your passion, whatever makes you tick and sign up in the new place. For my husband that means finding a barista and for me a knitting circle (I kid, sort of).

Make a list of the activities you want to do // I really want to explore this state park nearby or I would like to find a community to belong to and add that to the list. Maybe these are out of your comfort zone, but they’re goals for a reason? Take small steps towards your goal to reach it - like checking out the visitor center first for the state park or enrolling in a local church for community. It’s helpful to have a “to do” in place as a stepping stone towards your goal: making a new place feel like home.

Learn your surroundings where you want to frequent // The kids and I love to find local creeks and play in the water, collect rocks, sticks and shells or try and fish. We always have a picnic too.The creeks are usually in local parks or off short walking trails. It’s good to learn who is out and about at the times when you will be out. For me, it’s typically old folks hour which actually makes me feel more security. It’s nice to know who’s typically around in the places I want to frequent with my children.

Figure out what makes this particular place tick // In Santa Cruz it was the ocean. We hit the beaches every day we could. We found tide-pools to roam in with our son, and Daniel surfed on his days off. We lived in the water and on the beach. In Atlanta, it was the Beltline and Ponce City Market inside the city. And probably the lake life sailing and boating outside the city. I want to show the boys a rodeo while we’re here in the Midwest :) I mean you wouldn’t buy a steak at a sea food restaurant or order sushi in South Dakota, right?

Find your staples early // Where’s your grocery store, post office, church, exercise facility, pharmacy? You don’t want to be panic driving around when you really need something. You want to know where your go to places are close to your living area. All of this contributes to security.

Take a lesson or a class join a team // I’m always looking for toddler Tuesdays, story-times, children’s activities. And before kiddos it was Crossfit and yoga or an art class (sigh). All of these get you with your people and may give you a chance to ask questions to a friendly face in order to learn something new. Or make a new friend!

Give yourself some grace // You may not make a new friend on the first day. You may not find your community right away or at all in this region. That is okay, you will be okay. I mean it though. I’ve learned that feeling at home in a new location is a combination of all of these things coming together and that definitely takes time. Give it a year and look back and see how much progress you have made. You will be surprised. 

I left Santa Cruz after only a year and a half. But the ladies I met there, I’ll never forget. I knew I had found my people and I’m so thankful for the time that I lived there. Because life there wasn’t easy for me, and there were lots of tears and spilled milk and stressful sleepless nights. Looking back I’d do it again, I’d give up a lot to go back and gain the knowledge, the friendships, the experience of a lifetime all over again.